Does My Husband Really Love Me After His Affair?

Question:

“I'm happy to have my husband back after his affair, but I've still got some questions for him. He told me that he still loved me and that he never stopped loving me and that he wants to save our marriage. However, something tells me that he's not being totally truthful with me. There are times when I think it's because the other woman wanted him to commit more of his life to her and that he felt that ending our marriage would be too messy.

Am I over reacting here or are my suspicions justified?"

Answer:

Most women are relieved when their men return home to them after an affair. But it also doesn't mean that everything's back to normal. In many cases, there are still questions that need to be addressed. Most women will ask themselves a similar question such as " did he really come back for me because he loves me or did something not work out with the other woman?"

Many women often fear that their men are back because things simply didn't work out as expected with the other woman. Or that they've only come back because they feel financially responsible and obligated towards their children.

It's normal for you to have questions after your husband returns. And you are going to wonder if he's totally genuine in his emotions or if it's all an act. Again, this is normal, but if it goes on for too long it can actually hurt you rather than help you. I'll discuss further below.

It's Ok To Ask Yourself "Why Did He Come Back?"

I think there would be a major issue if you didn't have any concerns or questions to begin with.

When you've been betrayed and humiliated by someone who's supposed to love and cherish you, you can't help but question their motives. And the truth is, it's a form of self preservation.

And since you're not a mind reader, you'll never know what he's really thinking or feeling. So now that you know this, what's the next step? Well you've really only got two ways to analyze what he says.

The best way for you to do this is to listen carefully to what he says and watch how he acts afterwards. Because he'll most likely say anything and everything. But only his actions will 'tell' you what he really means. Don't be surprised if it takes a while because just like a puzzle, a singular action is just one piece and if you want to get the whole picture, you're going to need all the pieces.

Focus On The Outcome Not The Perceived Motivation

I understand your hesitation to take what your husband says to you at face value. And I also understand you wanting to believe that your husband is home for the right reasons because he loves you and wants to save your marriage and that you might doubt him from time to time. I know that for the first little while, you're going to be focusing heavily on this. But if you're not careful, your emotions can and will eat you up inside and destroy any progress you've made together.

Here's where the real problem lies Since you don't fully know how he feels, you can't get a definitive answer that meets your needs or what you think you need. And you risk placing so much emphasis on this that you'll never get past it until it gets resolved, which could be a long time. And as I alluded to, this can be a very vicious and destructive cycle.

If you focus too much on why he came back, you miss the fact that at the end of the day he came back to you. As time goes on you'll uncover the truth about why he came back. But if you focus to much on the why, you might not be focusing enough on the how. And by that I mean you're not focusing on how you're going to make things better and move on from here.

At some point in your relationship you're going to have to place your faith in love and focus on the opportunity that you have to build a better marriage with your husband. As the original question alluded to, the wife was having difficulty believing that her husband truly wanted to be there with her. But I have a question for her. " Are you willing to place all your focus on his perceived intention and risk ruining your progress?" This is a time to ask yourself "what do I really want from him?"

Now I bet I know what you want and that's a husband who truly loves you and is there because he wants to be there. But don't you already have this? Look around. Your husband is under your roof, sleeping in your bed and telling you that he loves you and that he's there because he wants to be.

Time will tell if he's being honest with you and himself. So as I mentioned earlier you've got two choices. You can either fill the relationship with doubt and uncertainty and potentially ruin any progress you may have already made. Or you can give it time and see how your husbands words eventually match his actions.


There will come a time in your relationship when you'll know how you can trust your husband again without being taken for a fool. Understanding the five forms of trust in a marriage, as well as which ones you can give and which ones you can hold back without harming your relationship will help save your marriage and improve your progress.