The Real Reason Why Men Pull Away and How You Can Stop It

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Question:

I've been in a long term relationship and I really love my boyfriend but every time I try and talk about the future of our relationship and where we’re headed as a couple he starts to get distant.

Why does he do this and what can I do to get him to have a conversation with me about our future together without feeling like I'm "dragging" him to the alter?

Answer:

One of the biggest concerns that women juggle in relationships is why men pull away vs. how to move them forward to the 'next level' while the clock is ticking without making her man bolt.

Firstly I think it's important to note that the way that men and women approach relationships and their outcomes differs significantly because by nature men and women are different.

So if you take nothing away from this article except one thing let it be this: In almost all relationships that are moving forward, at some point your man is probably going to get cold feet and dig his heels in. The question that needs to be answered by you is: do you know why he’s doing it and what should you do when it happens?

Dating In General

Generally speaking, as long as both parties are on the same page dating goes smoothly without any major issues. The problem comes when one person in the relationship want to turn the page and move things along before the other one is ready.

In the vast majority of cases, it's the woman who will initiate the direction of the relationship because by nature they are more emotionally invested in relationships than men.

Now don't misunderstand what I'm saying here. This doesn't mean that men don't or won't make a decision about their current relationship and where they want it to go. It simply to point out that women tend to know what they want out of the relationship earlier than men.

Moving Things Along

So now that it's been established that in the majority of relationship, women know what they want the outcome to be, what happens when she drops the bomb on her unsuspecting boyfriend? Now before we answer that question, there's a saying that I've coined for all my non married friends who are in relationships: When you meet the right woman, she'll tell you.

Ok, let's get back to the question at hand. What should a woman do when she drops the bomb on her unsuspecting boyfriend about the future of his relationship? Well in order to answer that, we need to know what he's going to do. In most cases, the relationship that he thought was humming along smoothly has now just been hit with an I.E.D. so don't be surprised if he's taken

back at first. In most cases, his natural reaction is to pull back and try and figure things out for himself while at the same time verifying his long term feelings for you.

His pulling away from you it natural so don't take it personally. It's his way of problem solving and finding a solution to serious and complex situations. In fact, I would take it as a good sign that he's pulling away from you because it means that he's seriously contemplating the future of your relationship.

So regardless of the chemistry between you two or how comfortable he feels around you; expect that at some point he's going to do this.

Should You Fear Losing Him?

Ok, so your man's pulled away after your discussion, what's your next move? Well I'll tell you that most women make the fatal relationship killing mistake of chasing him down and giving him the third degree instead of waiting things out.

Now I understand why you might think that chasing after him is a good idea. You fear driving him away and so you want to show him that you're committed and that you're willing to fight for him and the relationship but these are just temporary walls to keep you from feeling hurt or abandoned.

If this has happened before, how did it work out? What happened the closer you got? Did he move closer to you or did he move farther away? Just think about that for a minute.

The reason that I want you to think about your next move when your man pulls away is because it will make the difference between going the distance or going it alone. One of the biggest mistakes that women make is that they treat men like other women in their relationships which cause men to clam up and become distant. The way around this is to give him his space and let him sort things out in his head about what he wants in his relationship with you.

You see, words have different meanings and they affect men and women differently at different points during a relationship. If you try and pin him down to talk things through when he's not ready you're not going to get the answers you want and need from him. Instead, it's better if you make him feel comfortable around you instead of feeling pressured, because if you start to get more attached and invested in the relationship than he is, you stand a good chance of losing him.

Now again, I'm not saying that men don't attach or invest themselves in their relationships, but what I am saying is that in most cases a woman will hunt him down and try and get all the answers out of him at once. She'll get upset and text him or call him until she feels satisfied that she's got the answer she wants.

Again, I can't stress enough how important it is to be patient with your man and let him get back to you in his own time. Believe me, men are just as excited in relationships as women and they want things to progress and go smoothly, but if you smother him when you're not getting the answers you want he'll start to think you've gone nuts. This will ultimately kill the attraction and the excitement in your relationship.

The Bottom Line

Men rarely pull away in relationship due to lack of interest, in fact your man can be deeply in love with you and still pull away. So what do you do then?

Well, there are 4 very distinct reasons which are called (M.H.A.P) or Masculine Hero Avatar Principles that cause men to withdraw in relationships and once you understand what each one is then it becomes much easier to react appropriately and avoid the common mistakes that most women make when it happens.

Learn more about why men pull away and M.H.A.P here.

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