Top 6 Tips to Dealing With Infidelity In Marriage

Published: 24th January 2012
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Question:

My husband cheated on me and now we're left trying to pick up the pieces of our shattered marriage. Is there anything I can do to help change his actions and remain faithful to me as we move past this and is there really hope for us or am I just fooling myself?

Answer:

Managing infidelity in marriage is distressing and even though most marriages can recover from an affair, the degree of recovery and speed is normally influenced by the offender. In order to save your marriage, help your partner who cheated to correct their conduct and restore trust in your relationship.

If you are the one who was unfaithful, print this list out and take a look at it often. It will give you the energy you need to improve your actions and recommit to your marriage.

Below I'll outline the 6 tips that will help save your marriage and rebuild trust after the affair.

6 Tips to Save a Marriage and Rebuild Trust After The Affair

1. Be Honest
2. Take Responsibility
3. Cut Ties
4. Be Open
5. Answer Honestly
6. Give them Time and Space as Needed

Be honest and upfront.

The best thing that your husband can do at this point is be honest with you because lying will only compound the problems and make them worse. Depending on how things go, your husband's answers will dictate the speed of recovery and the reconcillation process between you two. I'm sure you have a general idea of what went on, but if your husband is honest and forthright with you it will go a long way to helping you accept the situation.

Take responsibility for your actions.

The worst thing you can do is assign blame to anything or anyone but you. Own the mistake. When you own the mistake and are truly remorseful for your actions you create a climate where thoughts and feelings can be openly shared by both parties. This helps to increase the lines of communication which helps to re-establish trust and an emotional connection.

Cut all ties with the other person.

After youíve broken the trust between you and your spouse, you need to cut ties with the other man or woman. Your spouse will have a hard time trusting you again if you still keep that other person in your life. Now is the time to be sensitive to your spouseís feelings and by not cutting ties you send them mixed messages. You need to decide which relationship is most important to you; your marriage or the other one and your actions will speak volumes when it comes to saving your marriage.

Be open with your spouse.

This is very similar to the point about being honest with your spouse except this part requires you to change your actions. At this point in time your spouse is feeling insecure and vulnerable and they need you to show them that you love them. The best way to change your actions and be open with your spouse is to involve them in your life.

Here are a few ways you can go about doing this:


∑ Always keep your cell phone on
∑ Call when youíre going to be late from the office
∑ Donít block access to your email, Facebook or Twitter accounts
∑ Donít lock out your cell phone
∑ Call your spouse at random times of the day.

These things are crucial to rebuilding trust. Your spouse needs to know that they can contact you whenever they need to and even though you may think itís an invasion of privacy, remember youíre the one that broke their trust, now you have to earn it back.

Answer their questions honestly.

Your spouse is going to want details about what happened but donít volunteer information. Only answer what they ask for and do it honestly. Try not to conceal information that you think would be too delicate for your spouse to hear but at the same time donít be too graphic. Your spouse is only looking to get an idea of how intense and emotional the relationship was so they can get a feel for what needs to be done to fix your marriage. Answering your spouseís questions will go a long way to speeding up the recovery process and rebuilding trust in your marriage.

Give them the time and space they need.

At this time it is best to respect your spouseís wishes and give them the appropriate time and space they need to grieve. You may have apologized time and time again for the affair, but there are emotional wounds that can only heal after awhile. It is important to work on re-establishing both an emotional connection and a physical one with your spouse by expressing your appreciation and love for them on a regular basis.


After infidelity in marriage you need to work on rebuilding trust and honesty with your spouse after the affair . By following the guidelines above you demonstrate to your spouse that you are ready to recommit to your relationship through your actions and not just your words.

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