Why Am I So Depressed After My Husband's Affair?

Published: 06th February 2012
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I've fallen into a depressed state after my husband's affair. I'm really trying hard not to let it get me down, and I try and look on the bright side of life. I'm grateful that I have my health and my family. And I just feel like my husband's actions shouldn't impact my life like they have by bringing everything in my life to a halt. His actions shouldn't keep me from living my life. I've got a lot of really good things going on right now. And we're working hard to save our marriage and I feel like we've finally started to make some progress.

But because of his affair, many things in the past that brought me joy have now been ruined. He took her to a restaurant that we both loved and now I never want to go back there. She also goes to the same gym as me and so I no longer work out there. We've got kids in the same sports league. So I'm constantly reminded about his affair. It's like every day I have to face the past. It's gotten so bad that now I don't even want to leave my house.

I feel like everyone around me knows about what happened in the past and is judging me for it, even though deep down I know it's not true. I know I'm being over dramatic about it, but I can't help feeling the way I do. Everything that once brought me joy has been ruined. And I don't know what to do or how to get things back to the way they were before.

I tell myself that I'm good enough and I try to be strong for the kids, but I just can't shake my depressed feelings. How can I move past this?


A lot of women suffer from depression when they are trying to rebuild their lives after an affair. However, one of the biggest problems that many women have when they are talking about this is that the feel that some how they are to blame or responsible for their husband's cheating ways.

Understand That This Is Not Your Fault

As was mentioned before, many women struggle with depression because they feel like they're not strong enough to overcome their feelings. But in my opinion, strength doesn't have much to do with it at all. I'll explain below:

People all around the world in every walk of life are hurt daily by infidelity. And if you're struggling right now, it doesn't mean that your weak or not strong. The reason you're struggling right now is because you've been hurt by someone you love. Don't fault yourself for that. And don't expect that you're going to overcome something as devastating as an affair over night. But if you're going to overcome your feelings, you'll need more than just a determined spirit. Sometimes what you really need is more time and in certain circumstances, help from others.

If you're going to blame anyone in the relationship for your feelings it should be for your husband who cheated on you. The tragedy here is that not only are you depressed, but you're also blaming yourself for something you had no control over. You didn't do anything wrong and you didn't deserve to have your husband cheat on you and accepting this is the first step to recovery.

How To Improve Your Situation Bit By Bit:

Understand there's going to be tough days ahead for you. There will be days when you don't even want to get out of bed or do anything constructive. This is normal so don't be alarmed. It doesn't mean that you're weak but you do need to counter these emotions with something positive.

You're probably going to have to force yourself to get out there and have a good time. Try doing things like going out with friends, going to the gym or watching a funny movie, but either way, it's important to break the cycle of depression with positive activities, especially when you feel like you've got no control over your feelings.

I understand that you can't control your feelings or when they come but you do have control over how you react to them and what you do about them. So you have two choices. you can either give into them and be depressed, or you can go out and be proactive and replace the negative feelings with positive ones. I'm not saying that this will work 100% of the time, but if you try and make a habit of doing positive things, eventually you'll start to feel better for longer periods of time.

Withdrawing from people and life may seem like the sensible thing to do at times, but in reality, this is the worst thing you can do. Reach out to someone, a family member or a friend but use them as a resource to get things off your chest. Sharing your emotions with others is a great way to get some perspective in your life as well as some much needed relief. Even a small reprieve from your depressed feelings can make a world of difference to how you feel and look at life.

If there are people you can't stand to see, or places you can't stand to go, there's nothing that says you can't avoid them until you feel better. You won't gain any points by making yourself feel worse than you already do just to make a point. Listen to your heart. You'll know when it's time to move forward and interact with these people and places again. Forcing yourself to do it will only frustrate you and the healing process. You don't need to prove anything to anyone.

If none of the tips I've mentioned above helps you with your depression after the affair , you may want to consider getting some professional help. You don't deserve to live with this type of pain, especially when you had nothing to do with it. Often the right person can help you overcome your emotional turmoil and provide you with the relief you need to survive an affair , but you need to be willing to ask for help. There's no need to suffer any longer so get the help you need so that you can move on with your life.

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